


help wanted

by lovelivesinthedream



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 21:29:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5556077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelivesinthedream/pseuds/lovelivesinthedream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo has big aspirations to be an evil criminal mastermind, and Sehun is a terrible assistant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	help wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for astrongbreeze fic fest on lj. Thanks to the mods of the fest, the prompter, and to anyone that reads or comments!

_Help Wanted: Research assistant. Must be strong, flexible, tall, obedient and capable of… ‘thinking outside the box.’ **No** loud people. Serious inquiries may apply in person at this address – _

“Well, what do you think? Doesn’t it sound perfect?”

Jongin bats the phone away from his face to better see the television. “Sounds like they’re looking for someone to hook-up with, dude. Take some pepper spray if you’re really going.”

Sehun reads over the ad again with a pout. It sounds legitimate to him. In fact, it’s almost like it was tailor made for him specifically.

He’s tall! He’s hella flexible! He’s kind of strong, though he always pretends he isn’t just in case one of his friends moves and decides to ask him to help. No better excuse than, _‘Sorry, man. You know I have trouble carrying the laundry basket from my room to the washing machine.’_ He can be obedient if he puts his mind to it! Probably… He hasn’t exactly tried. He’s really only super loud in the bedroom or when he finds something exceptionally funny, and he doubts he’s in danger of either of those situations arising in the work place. And as for thinking outside the box, was not Oh Sehun the mastermind behind installing a towel rack beside the toilet to hold four rolls of toilet paper so there’s no danger of running out while doing one’s business?

_Genius._

Sehun’s got this job in the bag. It’s what’s required of him, after all.

*****

“Oh, wow! I, uh, I’m sorry for your loss,” Sehun stutters out to the tiny man that opens the door.  He tries to check the address again on his phone without being too obvious. A quick look tells him he’s definitely at the right place unless the person made a mistake when they typed the ad up on craigslist.

The man somehow glares without his expression changing at all. It’s a little creepy. “What?”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your time of mourning,” Sehun answers, scratching at his neck and ducking his head in embarrassment. “I’ll come back some other time. Uh, remember, your loved one is in a better place now. Goodbye.”

He hurries down the steps and away from the cold grey building as fast he can go. The sidewalk trips him up a bit, but he manages to play it off, hoping against hope that his future employer won’t hold this first impression against him.

_Tomorrow_ , he vows to himself. Tomorrow, he’ll do better.

*****

“Are you here about the assistant position or what?” the tiny man asks, face blank as he opens the door before Sehun even knocks.

He quickly lowers his fist and takes a half-step back. They have an impromptu stare-off where Sehun tries to decide if now is still a bad time for the guy, and the guy simply gazes back with narrowed eyes, arms crossed over his chest. For someone that only comes up to Sehun’s ear, he’s surprisingly intimidating.

“Yes?” he answers uncertainly.

The guy nods, disappearing into the cold grey building with the door open behind him. Sehun decides to take that as an invitation to follow him inside. The front room is inviting with a lit fireplace on the far wall, a thick, cream colored carpet on the floor, deep, forest green walls and a large couch.

The door from that room leads to a large lab of sorts that is infinitely less personal. There are shelves upon shelves teeming with all sorts of shiny bits of metal and odds and ends that Sehun has no idea how to identify. Filing cabinets line the back wall. Tools and computer-y things clutter the counters. A white board is covered in blueprints for some sort of machine, and Sehun belatedly realizes he’s wildly out of his depth.

The tiny man is already waiting for him at the desk in the corner. He sits with posture so straight that Sehun’s back aches in sympathy. His black hair falls in his face softly in a cute little bowl cut. It would make him look like a kid if it wasn’t for the graveness of his expression.

“Fill out this paperwork. Make sure to sign the confidentiality agreement,” he begins right away, getting down to business by pointing to a line with a small _x_ beside it. Sehun fumbles for the pen in his pocket, completely shocked. _Is this standard practice? Shouldn’t there be an interview?_ “The work day is however long I need you to be here. Some days it could be an hour or two, and some days it could be past midnight. There are certain, uh, _time sensitive projects_ I’m working on that require more observation. Will that be a problem?”

The guy speaks in such an even monotone that it takes Sehun a solid minute to realize he was asked a question. “Ah, that’s fine. Yeah, of course, sir.”

“Just D.O. is fine,” his new boss corrects. He pushes his chair back and stands from the desk. Bowing shortly, he already starts walking away. “Finish up that paperwork, and come back tomorrow at 8am. Don’t be late.”

There’s something in his tone that makes Sehun’s sure he had better listen.

*****

After a grand total of 21 days, Sehun finally has the job pretty much figured out. His boss’ name is Do Kyungsoo, and he’d been the one to place the ‘shady’ (in Jongin’s words) craigslist ad. Kyungsoo had wanted someone tall to reach things for him. Someone obedient to take all his orders without a question because he’s a bossy, commanding type of guy. Someone strong to carry all the heavy equipment because, as everyone knows, evil overlords don’t do their own heavy lifting. And thinking outside the box apparently meant having loose morals and being okay with criminal activity.

Sehun’s still not sure about the flexible part. Maybe it refers to the hours since they are so random. However, when he asked Kyungsoo about it, the shorter man had simply smirked and raised an eyebrow meaningfully. Sehun’s not entirely sure if it can be considered flirting or not.

Either way, the pay is pretty great since he mostly just organizes papers and plays with Kyungsoo’s dogs all day. It’s during one of these impromptu sessions of fetch that Kyungsoo glares at him.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Kyungsoo asks, voice dripping with exasperation. His big round eyes are nearly popping out of his head. Sehun glances down at his outfit self-consciously. His dark wash jeans are just tight enough to highlight his long legs. His shirt is a pale pink and falls across his broad shoulders perfectly.

He looks hot.

“Givenchy. Why?” He smirks. “I didn’t know funeral attire was the work uniform when I applied for the job, Kyungsoo-hyung.”

His tiny boss’ face instantly blanks. It’s amazing how fast he can shut down any emotion. His t-shirt, jeans, shoes and socks are black, and they have been every day since they started working together three weeks ago. Sehun is willing to bet his entire paycheck that Kyungsoo’s underwear is black, too. If he even wears underwear. Do evil criminal masterminds intent on taking over the world wear underwear? It seems like an evil plan to him. Sehun is suffering just from thinking about it – Kyungsoo’s cute little ass snug against those jeans without anything getting in the way.

_How devious_.

Kyungsoo exhales sharply, rubbing at his head like Sehun’s giving him a headache. “I’ve told you to call me D.O. a million times.”

D.O. is his supervillain name. He thinks he’s going to take over the world with it, make people tremble from the mere sound of it. Sehun has told him again and again that it sounds ridiculous. Nobody is going to take him seriously. He’s already fighting a losing battle with his short stature, innocent eyes and puffy lips. Even his grumpy face is adorable.

The only time he looks remotely threatening is when he turns into Robo-Soo. Like now.

“Sorry, boss,” Sehun says insincerely. They both know he’s not sorry at all. Sehun wisely changes the subject. “Anyway, what are we working on today?”

“Well, I was going to let you leave after getting all the boxes down from the shelves in the storage room, but now,” Robo-Soo shifts suddenly to reveal a deceptively kind smile, “you can dismantle and clean all the parts of the Chaos Machine.” Sehun can hear the capital letters. Kyungsoo’s enthusiasm is so cute.

What’s not cute is the nasty slime and gunk that the Chaos Machine is covered in. The gelatinous substance sticks to the metal like glue. Coincidentally, it also sticks to anything else it happens to touch, such as Sehun’s brand new shoes and pale pink shirt. His poor hair is a mess. It might not ever recover. At one point, his fingers even get stuck together.

The entire time Sehun is working, grumbling under his breath the whole way, Kyungsoo sits at his desk and pretends to be busy reading over some research journals. Sehun knows he’s watching, though. He catches Kyungsoo’s amused smile more than once before it’s hidden behind some stuffy magazine filled with jargon he doesn’t care about. Luckily, his boss’ grin makes it less annoying to clean the machine then he thought it’d be.

*****

“I don’t understand how that’s physically possible!” Kyungsoo shouts, hands tearing at his hair. The floor in front of him is rapidly being taken over by waffles. Sehun is smart enough to disguise his laughter as a cough. Chanyeol is already digging in, wolfing down the waffles with his tail wagging like crazy behind him. Baekhyun sniffs them a few times and then turns his nose up. He’s a picky dog.

“This machine was built to shoot out flaming discs! How the hell did this happen?!”

It’s the first time Sehun’s ever heard his boss yell. He kind of likes it. It’s unexpectedly hot to hear such passion in his voice. Then again, his smooth, deep voice is _always_ pretty hot.

Sehun shrugs. “I don’t know, Kyungsoo-hyung. Maybe I accidentally put the Chaos Machine back together wrong when I cleaned it.”

There’s a very long silence as Kyungsoo turns slowly toward him. Sehun expects his face to be blank or maybe filled with rage, but he’s shocked to see genuine surprise instead. Looks like he broke his favorite little evil genius.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to.” He stares down at his feet, unable to meet Kyungsoo’s wide eyes. Scratching the back of his neck, he shrugs again. “Uh, maybe I should have told you sooner, but I, uh, I don’t have any experience with this type of stuff. I just put it back together however it would fit.”

He waits, barely breathing, for Kyungsoo to shout at him. Fire him. Punch him, maybe. Instead, Kyungsoo surprises him again by laughing. He laughs so loud and deep that it shakes his whole pocket-sized body. His entire face transformers into a picture of cuteness.

Sehun’s mouth falls open.

*****

“So what’s your origin story, Kyungsoo-hyung?” Sehun asks, tossing a paper ball and catching it to ease his boredom. He’s not really allowed to touch the important stuff for the time being. Oh well. That works for him.

“Hmmm…” Kyungsoo hums. He taps his chin thoughtfully. “When I was in high school I had two irritating friends that always hung all over me. One time Chanyeol accidentally tripped me in the hallway, and then Baekhyun wasn’t paying attention, so he tripped over me and spilled his coffee on my homework. I got detention for not turning it in on time.”

Sehun snorts. “That’s a crap story, hyung. Who’s going to believe that is what set you down this path of badness?”

Kyungsoo ignores him, too busy rummaging around his desk and pulling out a picture frame from a drawer. “This was them back in school.”

Sehun pales. He glances down, stares at Chanyeol, a large brown standard poodle, curled up by his feet. He’s all gangly legs and knobby joints. His curly hair flops over his eyes, and his tongue hangs out of his mouth. Baekhyun, a fawn colored toy poodle, is sleeping in his fluffy bed behind Kyungsoo’s desk. His hair is short and almost golden in the light. He barks and yips at every little thing, bossing Chanyeol around with a quick nip or shove from his small body.

The two boys in the photograph have an uncanny resemblance to the dogs. One is tall, dark haired with a goofy grin and his tongue sticking out at the other, smaller boy with light brown hair and a box shaped smile hanging with his arms around a blank faced Kyungsoo. Sehun doesn’t want to believe it, doesn’t want to even think about it, but… Kyungsoo _is_ an evil genius of his own admission.

“Uh, hyung…. Did you turn your friends into dogs because they accidentally got you detention once?”

Chanyeol looks up and tilts his head like he understands what Sehun’s saying. Oh, God. _What the hell?!_ Sehun’s been messing around with Kyungsoo for weeks because he thought his boss couldn’t possibly be that bad. But this – this is hardcore. He’s totally going to be turned into a dog!

He’s too hot to be a dog.

Kyungsoo interrupts his pouting. His eyes are shining with mirth, lips pulled up in a heart shaped smile. He watches Sehun like he’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen.

“I didn’t, but that’s a pretty great idea. I’ll consider it for the next time they visit,” he says with a soft chuckle. Sehun flushes in embarrassment, but he doesn’t bother to hide how relieved he is.

*****

“How’s the mission going, Agent Oh?” Senior Agent Kim Junmyeon asks from across the desk. The door of his office is shut, but they both know it’s not enough to keep out anyone that works here that wants to listen in. Secret agents have all sorts of ways of finding out what they want to know.

Sehun nods, smiling faintly. “Do Kyungsoo is still hell bent on becoming a supervillain, but I’ve successfully sabotaged all of his projects so far. He’s harmless, sir.” Sehun grins to himself, thinking fondly of his cute little boss. “The man named his dogs after his friends because he doesn’t get to see them often enough. He’s really all bark and no bite.”

Junmyeon nods in approval and reaches over to shake Sehun’s hand in congratulations.

“You’ve done very well, Agent Oh. We’re proud of you. We’ll leave it to you to continue ensuring Do Kyungsoo doesn’t become a threat to the world.”

“Thank you, sir. I’ll gladly continue this mission.” Sehun’s never meant anything more seriously in his life. Now all that’s left is for him to slowly convince Kyungsoo that being a genius _hero_ is a better life plan than being a criminal mastermind. Sehun’s willing to work for it as long as it takes because Kyungsoo is worth it.

 


End file.
